Why God?

My youngest daughter has been in therapy most her life.

She’s been in speech therapy, occupational therapy, behavioral therapy, and feeding therapy . . . and though it’s not an insurance paid, doctor ordered therapy, dare I say D-A-N-C-E therapy. Look, dance classes have been an incredible therapy for her, and I’ll stop there. That’s a blog for another day.

“Normal” or “typical” milestones for children are things for parents to acknowledge and celebrate but there was once a time when I grieved so hard for the life that I thought we’d have, that we should have, and that I was so desperate for those typical milestones that I struggled.

And I’m so glad I did.

The last few years I’ve been able to appreciate the differences in my children so much more. I’ve been able to appreciate a lot of things in my life more. I also get really excited for our own little milestones that other people would probably not think about or maybe even roll their eyes about.

I’ve also realized how terrible comparison is between siblings and I’m so ashamed to say that I spent a lot of time doing that.

“Comparison is the death of joy.” Mark Twain

I’ve been doing a much better job lately, not pointing out their differences to compare where one thrived and hit milestones, but just to point out their uniqueness. We’re all fully flawed human beings, and I’m no different, and while I love both of my children deeply, it’s hard not to compare where each one was/is at this age or what not.

I’m sure glad our Father doesn’t do that to us, aren’t you?

We had one of our therapy sessions yesterday.

Feeding therapy was yesterday.

If you’re new here, my daughter has been sick since birth and has a lot of medical issues and sensory problems. She has an extreme oral aversion, if you’d like more information about ARFID or SPD or feeding therapy just click on the highlighted words for more information!

I can’t think about it without tearing up. She worked so hard for her therapist. By the end of the session you could tell she was getting tired.

We were in a different room than usual and we had a new friend! Mr. Bananas, a gift from her therapist, she fed him lots of yummy food yesterday and snuggled with all night last night. She loves him.

The therapist knew it was my birthday (today actually, but that it was this week) and she told my daughter if she could finish strong that she could “win” me a box of my favorite treats for my birthday. I acted really excited to get the treats so she worked so hard for me, to bless me with these treats, and she did it! I make a huge deal about eating anything I’m handed at therapy b/c I want her to see me excited about eating so she thinks they’re my favorite thing ever. lol.

She had to bite the food in half, she worked so hard! Look at all that food!

She came up to me and said, “Mommy, I know these are your favorite treats. Happy Birthday, I love you.”

I couldn’t deal. My heart just started beating wildly in my chest and it took everything I had not to break down and cry right there in front of her.

I love her, too. That really was one of the best birthday gifts ever.

Then last night I took her to dance class and I was sitting in the car waiting for class to finish up and I started looking through some of the pictures on my phone that I had taken at therapy earlier in the day (I took pictures to show her dad what an amazing job she’d done) and I just starting sobbing, “Why God?”