I had a dream.

I had a dream one time.

I had a preconceived idea, rather, about what I was going to be doing with my life.

I was going to get married, have children, have a job, and still have a “life” outside of the home. What I mean by that was I was going to do “stuff”. I don’t do stuff though. Ever. In fact, the entire time my husband and I have been together we’ve never done any of the “stuff” that I did before him and I were together. The things that I envisioned doing with my family were: camping, fishing, hunting, swimming, hiking, slow dancing barefoot on the kitchen floor, volunteering (a lot more then than I do now). A dream that my husband would take my hand and kneel beside the bed and pray with me every night. Those are simple things. Sort of. But those are big things. My husband and I have never done any of the things that I want to do. All the memories I’d hoped we’d have created with our children aren’t even there. They’re going to have some memories of fast cars, riding in daddy’s fast car, working on cars with daddy, watching movies with daddy, playing outside with daddy, and doing whatever he does with them, so I guess that’s really good. Those were all my favorite things . . . I don’t think anything, anyone, could make me enjoy any of those things anymore. I no longer desire any of those things. I’ll never slow dance, barefoot, on a kitchen floor again.

I had a dream about what we would do together as a family.

I had a dream about what I’d do and who I’d be, too.

I had a dream that I was a girl who was hungry for deep relationships, she was thirsting for strong connections with others that rooted beyond the surface. She was starving for life in community, one where the relationships centered on accountability and love, allowing us to be open and honest with each other about our desires and shortcomings, our struggles, fears, and failure . . . and our wins, our success and dreams.

I had a dream that I was a girl who went from one city to another, planting churches along the way (and I have no background or idea how to go about that), plugging in locally, helping build up healthy groups and ministries within the communities.

I had a dream that every day I was seeing someone being brought to Christ and baptized and my heart overjoyed. We’re all dying at some point, that’s going to happen to all of us, that’s not the problem; the problem is those who die without being a relationship with Jesus . . . I love them too much for that. My heart is tender, their salvation is so important to me, too important.

I had a dream that I lived a life in a community where we shared resources, much like the early Church who literally lived together; doing life together. Eating together, praying together, working together; working side by side. Telling other people the good news of Jesus, sharing with them how what He’s done for me, and just how good He is and how much He loves them.

I had a dream I had a community that I could be completely transparent, vulnerable, and loved in. A community, locking arms, where we could intercede for each other without thinking we needed to ask what the specifics were.

I had a dream that I got to get up and work hard all day, side by side, in a community of villagers, of peoples who lived in poverty. The hard work wasn’t so difficult because their was such great purpose in it.

I had a dream I was going to be a foster mom and maybe even adopt.

I had a dream that I was going to travel. I was going to travel all over. I didn’t intend on traveling on cruise ships and to expensive resorts, I just wanted to travel. I wanted to go to another continent, so when I dream I go there. I go to another continent. I go on that mission trip I still have never got to take. I go to Darfur and Khan Shaykhun; the two places that my husband knows if I was afforded the opportunity to go to that I’d have to go and never look back because they’ve been on my heart all my life.

I had a dream I traveled to all 50 states in the USA

I had a dream that I packed the my suitcase, fueled up, got in the car, and just drove for the day before I took a look at the map. I just did that for weeks. I went where the road took me. I made it a point to do something to bless someone along each stop I took and told someone about Jesus everywhere I went.

I had a dream that I was able to live up to any of the expectations that I had for myself because at some point in my life they didn’t all seem unrealistic.

I had a dream that I was completely surrounded by family and friends and nobody knew that I still felt alone and unknown.