My Year In Review

This is just a little glimpse of our year in review but wow, what a year!

Zoey got to do her first “Teen” Bible study with mama! It was such a great time to dig into God’s word and to learn more about her! She’s so intelligent and fun and asks such great questions, hard questions, so I gave her Pastor Wendell and Pastor Doug’s numbers and asked her to never ask me anything ever again. Hahaha! Okay, maybe I didn’t tell her that but there were several times she commented, “I think I’d like to ask Pastor Wendell what he thinks.” Hahaha

Posie got her first ever mani/pedi with Aunt Diane and she loved it!

Posie asked for French fries and actually ate some. . . get a picture or it didn’t happen!

I won a contest online for a piece of jewelry, I got a pineapple necklace of all things! Pineapple!!! Yay! Haha!

I finally got a kiss.

Posie posed for my website logo.

Posie got Botox injections . . . two different months.

I kept my resolution; I read the Bible from cover to cover in 90 days.

Rosalie was admitted to the hospital for dehydration and malnutrition, failing to thrive; she was given a feeding tube and we spent a week in the hospital, getting out in time for Good Friday Service. Wow, God! I got to share my faith with staff during my stay and it was incredible, plus her Sunday school teacher, Ms. Rhonda, showed up to love on her and sing with her and play with her. My tribe showed up and some of them were sneaky for me; I had been posting a prayer in the “Tent of Meeting” at our church everyday since it was set up and couldn’t be there to do that so friends brought me index cards to write verses/prayers on that they took back and pinned for me.

Zoey & I learned a lot about each other through our new storms with feeding schedules/sleep schedules/ medications battles/ when it seemed like a monster lived in the house. She’s taught me a lot about the kind of girl I want to be. I’m thankful for the time we had to grow up together.

Posie has held on, even when it was hard, and she’s still loving me – even when it’s mostly mama that has to be the bad guy; forever the medicine giver and disciplinary driver and grumpy-groggy-middle of the night bottle maker; bless her.

We met Posie’s neurosurgeon! Thank God we didn’t need to use him for the hematoma!

Posie had to get a new tube because mama accidentally pulled hers out in an unfortunate clothes changing incident; I died. My heart broke.

I saw this picture of this piano for sale on Facebook and Zoey was so excited when Mr. Curtis went w/her daddy to check it out, she was over the moon to get it. We were so glad it worked out, we wanted to get something special for her; she’s so lovely; she paid for half of it with her own money because she wanted to buy it herself! She’s been taking lessons with Karen ever since and so excited to have a fantastic teacher, we’re so thankful, it’s beautiful to hear her in there playing hymns!

We hosted Secret Church at home and it was Zoey’s first ever Secret Church experience! Intense! Fun!

Posie got sicker than ever and mama’s heart hurt deeply. Mama spent a lot of time on her knees; more time asking God to forgive me for my disbelief than praying for her healing. When we don’t understand we want answers and when we know daddy can give us what we want, right when we want it, and He doesn’t . . . boy. that sure can remind us how much of a little kid we are, huh?

Oh yeah, did I mention I started the beginning of the year on immunosuppressants? Chemo helps with Lupus! The doctor said two things would help me and I should focus on them, “You’ve never been sick like this before, sleep will help you and so will not stressing! Lack of sleep and anxiety causes flare ups.” Bless her. Bless her bones. This year, with Posie, goodness if it wasn’t the year through the ringer. I think I slept 40 hours the whole year and me, stress? What stress? Worry about who? Worry about the medical bills and medications and doctor appointments and therapies and interventions and . . . nah, I’m not stressed.

Our park finally opened!

I mean, just …. Look at them!

She stole my heart . . . again.

Posie came off a few medications!

I became a Brand Ambassador for One Faith Boutique. The girls love that place; me too! Haha!

The girls were in their first dance recital together (it was P’s first recital ever!).\

I started embracing the bed head curls for summer! Hahahaha! No mouse!

I spent a few days in the hospital with complications from Lupus.

I went to church camp for the first time ever and had a blast!

We stopped with most of occupational therapy and are focused on specifically feeding therapy, though we still do speech therapy at school: but she likes playing with this toy as we wait for the feeding therapy to begin. We’re still a few months away from the feeding program in Texas (if insurance will help out some.)

I still have some fun!

We got the tube out!!!! The next morning her smile was so huge I couldn’t handle it.

Posie had her sleep study done.

When you’re given zofran, versed, and fentanyl and none of the doctors can understand why you aren’t asleep …or at least groggy… . . then you get the hiccups right before the needles goes into your back for the spinal tap . . . and everything is going wrong; but God. He loves you and He shows up and shows off and everything in that room went completely wrong and yet somehow turned out completely perfect. Only God can do that, because God just does that.

Posie broke her arm at our church back to school bash bouncy house. Yikes!

Me and my bestie went and saw Priscilla!

Posie had her tonsils and adenoids out. We got to come home but we ended up back in the hospital for a couple days. It was the hardest recovery I’ve ever seen and I wasn’t sure, actually wasn’t sure, how we’d get through that.

Those white legs though . . .

Posie gave the best pedicures!

Zoey broke her arm rollerblading with a friend after church. No, I’m not kidding. Both of my kids broke their left arms in three months. Mom of the year over here!

Zoey got a spider bite on her nose and sister told her she looked like Rudolph!

They built a gingerbread house . . . and slapped on some swedish fish and gummi worms. It’s my favorite so far!

She’s cute when she hides behind me – yeah? She told me I looked like a boy, again, because my glasses aren’t “girly” enough for her. Geeze!

We had a friend named “Bob”!

I sat at my desktop yesterday reading all these posts where people were all over social media with these incredibly amazing posts about 2018 and I thought there was no way you’d catch me posting something like that because my 2018 wasn’t all that great. I knew we surely didn’t have that many great things to look back on and I went back over the past year, skimming through old photos and posts, and I’m sorry that I ever considered thinking I didn’t have a lot of great things to look back on. I’m telling you now that I’d love to make a tradition of doing this every year now, going back over the last year and looking back on everything that was a highlight of my FB feed. I know that there are these incredibly special moments that happen in my life that I’ll never post on social media but there are still so many great things that I have posted that are worthy of remembering too. We spent a lot of unwanted time in the hospital, ERs, doctor appointments, and therapies.

But so many incredibly awesome things happened this year. We met our new neurologist who is so great and personable and amazing and made her new diagnosis (IHP) less scary and we’ve already had two MRI’s, and the last brain MRI a few months ago, she didn’t even cry when they took her back and our new pediatrician is so incredible; God is so amazing. Posie went to a new eye doctor and saw a new dentist (now she’s seeing my guy), who she loves and did so great for. She began dancing so well (where last year she just stood in class) and we consider “dance therapy” one of our greatest tools. She went to summer school and started her second year to the pre-k and is thriving and spends most of her time in general education but has access to her special education teacher (who is just across the hall) whenever needed. Zoey has excelled in school, as always, and her sense of humor is fantastic. Most of her grades are 100’s, she got on the academic team then won at the first meet; 1st place, district champs, she’s loving dance still, she’s helped me so selflessly through the past year; caring for her sister and helping me out when I’ve had lupus flares and been sick with the terrible meds. She’s a pretty amazing reminder of God’s grace and love for me. I know she’s going to grow up but I hope she slows down and starts taking her time.

Mike’s branch closed down this month just before Christmas and it was bittersweet to see that chapter of our lives come to a close, his work family are truly our extended family . . . but this work family will remain a work family . . . the last Christmas party together with them made it very apparent to me that I want them to remain in my life and I’ll make sure they do. Now a new chapter starts where Mike will be working from home.

I got to spend some time with the best girlfriends that I never could have asked for myself; God knows what He’s doing and I’m so thankful for those ladies. I became a Brand Ambassador for One Faith Boutique and have met some great new friends because of it! Started chemo, stopped, and started it. Hair fell out. Lost some weight from it, don’t worry – I gained it all back and then some! Hahaha! I met some of the best people I’ve ever met at the BGCO Women’s Conference I went to by myself, I was the only person from my tribe or church to attend, and I felt completely out of place going alone, because I don’t do things like that alone, but I’ve never had such a great time! He is growing me! Stretching me! I finally began blogging everyday and even became affiliate partners with some places; YAY! to Twylla, Carrie, and I for keeping our goals! Started drinking coffee again; even bought another coffee maker back in the spring . . . she got a feeding tube, mama got a coffee maker. Then this last night of the year, my daughters cooked their mommy and daddy dinner. What!?! For the first time ever they, together, cooked mom and dad supper and made brownies for dessert. Oh my, my, my! Oh yeah, and we do things in 3’s around here, so I also injured my arm this year. I get my MRI in a week to see if I need surgery for a torn rotator cuff, haha.

Could I handle a repeat of 2018? Um, through Christ all things are possible.

Would I want a repeat of 2018? Um, that’s going to be a hard pass for me, dawg!

This is the worst year ever but it’s kind of been the best year of my life. You might be looking through those pictures and reading through what we’ve been through and thinking, “What is wrong with her!?” If you don’t have a relationship with God then I don’t think I can really explain to you how that feels, to be standing here telling you that the worst year of my life has the been the best. God does some pretty amazing things in some pretty painful times.

But you know what I realized, maybe this can remind me why those altars of remembrance to the Lord are so important. Because we tend to forget, and if not forget, at least we tend to start downplaying the significance of each event.

God is so good.

Our circumstances aren’t always good. That’s a reality.

We won’t always be happy. That’s a fantasy.

He takes our hand and holds us close. He’s there always.

When we’re on our emotional roller coasters and don’t feel close to God; He’s there.

He loves us so much.

He’s faithful.

He’s always working in my life and even when things don’t turn out like I want or hope they will, when I don’t get the perfect outcome, I know He’s here.

There’s something that I hear a lot of people saying or writing to express their big emotions, they say, “Oh my God” or write, “OMG!”. I don’t do either. I try not to even say, “Oh my gosh”, though I have written “OMG” on occasion and also sometimes write, “Oh em gee” which is the same thing in effect; it’s not any better for me to do that. I’m not even sure it’s any better to use other words that I use, but I teach my daughters to say other things such as, “Oh my stars” or “Oh my heart” or “Oh my lans” or “Oh my lanta” or “Heavens to Betsy” or “Oh my, my, my”, or “Good night of living” or what not. But tonight, I don’t know.

But tonight, just for tonight. . .

Oh my God, what have you done? Lord; Look what you’ve done! You’ve done it again! Where I thought there was no way, You made one! Where I couldn’t see how we’d get through it, you already saw us on the other side of it.

” Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12