My heart. Oh, oh my heart.

I’m so thankful for a tribe that prays for me when they say they will. I’m equally thankful for a community of men and women who pour into the children that walk through the doors of the little place that I call “church” or “home”.

If you don’t have a church home, please come be a part of mine. We want you there!

But seriously, days like today, oh my stars! I was so completely exhausted this morning for not sleeping the past couple of nights (literally) and that baby, crying all night and then the drive there was just stupid. It was stupid. I didn’t know if I wanted to cry or pray or take her back to her dad and tell him, “I’m not doing this, I’m too tired and she’s too crazy!” But somehow I made it and we got checked in. After we checked in and sat down her anxiety eased and she calmed, she even walked to the back without me carrying her, and she watched a video the whole time.

Look this isn’t a big test. You drink (well, they want you to eat) something with Barium in it and lay there for an hour and if your test shows you’re delayed in emptying (she always is) then you stay there another 15-30 minutes (we did). She’s done this test multiple times over the years.

The anxiety for her comes from this: She’s been sick since birth, she’s spent more time at that hospital, in the ER’s, in the therapies, in the doctor offices than she has most places. . . and while she had been accustomed to that for so long, last year was a zinger for her. Getting that gastrografin enema was traumatic for her, being taped and tied to the machine, then being stuck in the hospital with the feeding tube and going home with it for all those months, and having the other procedures and tests together in such a short time; she’s developed a true anxiety.

So today when I asked for prayers (and trust me, I felt them), I knew that my family had me covered. I can assure you there’s nothing more exhausting to me than being at the hospital for appointments with a screaming child. But it’s what happened after the test was done that had my heart.

The nurse asked if Posie could have a stuffed animal and I told her she could. The nurse asked Posie, “Would you like a kitty-cat, a white lamb, or a bunny-rabbit?” Posie shook her head, she didn’t know. (Decisions, obviously!)

The nurse came back with her choices and Posie, my sweet four year old – who obviously didn’t know she was about to grab my heart out of my chest – said, “I want white lamb betuzz dat is my gawwwddd.” I about choked! I asked, “Did you want the white lamb because the one in the Bible?” She smiled and shook her head “Yes”. I just cried and said, “Yes, yes Jesus is the Lamb of God!”

Of course then she said, “NO! He is God!” I smiled and told her, “Of course!”

Bless her heart.

My sweet friends that have poured into my babies, my sweet daughters, I am so incredibly thankful for you and I promise even if it doesn’t seem like it; THEY ARE LISTENING TO YOU TEACHERS!!!
So Ms. Posie’s teachers, thank you, thank you for teaching her about her “gawwwdddd” because she’s listening, please don’t stop! I’m so thankful for you investing in her tiny lil’ self Ms. Kristin, Ms. Carrie, Ms. Stefani, Ms. Rhonda, Ms. Lynda, Ms. Lindsay, Ms Joy and Ms. Michelle!!

I cried the whole way to the car and snapped a pic with her when we got in our car, I wanted to remember that special smile; just elated to be holding “her lamb”. I’m so glad I didn’t wear makeup on this messy face today, it wouldn’t have lasted with all the tears. Who knew a four year old and a little white lamb could make you cry?

She then burst into tears when we passed the church on the way home from the hospital, she thought her “Church School” had started without her because there was a parking lot full of cars. I assured her it was just teachers from King’s Gate, but it took some convincing.

I’m so incredibly blessed 💕

“God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.” 1 Corinthians 1:9