🤔Ummm, thanks!? Yes, you’re not wrong, my kids are perfect and they never act like fools. 🤫🤥
Also…..

The (now) 4 year old and (nearly) 12 year old could argue Judge Judy right into retirement over who was playing with the ball first and who gets which color of play-doh.

So let me be clear, while my children are well-mannered lil’ beings (and that is b/c their daddy and I demand their respect), if I hear you compliment my kids and I look at you with a blank stare on my face and say nothing at all, I’m not trying to be rude. . . . it’s because I secretly wonder if I have the distant crazed look of Mommie Dearest gazing from my eyes b/c I just remembered the “pretend” toy I had to confiscate from them earlier in the day to keep Cain from murdering Abel on my living room rug.

Y’all sometimes I don’t even know how to adult. I don’t know how to mother. I know that comparison kills your joy, I know it’s a sin, I know we aren’t suppose to be comparing ourselves to others but I find myself doing it far too often and I feel myself sinking down into my seat on the Sundays when my Pastor mentions how “you young people love to compare” because I know how guilty I am of this. SO much conviction. In real life I’m just trying to figure out how to run my own household while I stand idly by and watch everyone else run theirs smoothly and without hiccups. I know the grass isn’t always greener on the other side but my little ones get out of control when emotions run high and the laundry is piled on the only places left to sit and dinner needs to be cooked and heaven to Betsy I just want one clear path to walk through the house without stepping on something.  I know we all have seasons where things go better or worse and that’s true for most families but I think as moms we need to give ourselves some grace.

I’m going to walk out on a limb here and hope it doesn’t break ……. if it does will you catch me if I fall? Or will you scoff?

We have a problem with pride.  Not just me, I mean, people in general. But I’ve struggled with pride before, I know that. I also know that we can learn some lessons from our pride but those lessons learned don’t come cheap. So here goes.

Several years ago my oldest daughter was at a recital at school and I had walked into a group of other women talking who greeted me and just at once all began to start complimenting me on my daughter, in particular about how well mannered and polite she was, and that she was such a sweet girl. Now I don’t for a second deny any of these things. She is by her very nature a very sweet, sensitive girl. She’s just lovely. She’s also very polite and well mannered but instead of leaving that at “thank you” or giving God glory for that, I let that go to my heart. Later on during the recital there was a young mother who was struggling with her younger children who were acting like little brats (yes, I’m saying that because that’s the best description coming to mind) and she was getting a lot of looks from a lot of people and there were some whispers. I can feel my back burning now – thinking back to that moment – she must have felt on fire by the stares of all of those people, listening to all those whispers – and trying to care for two toddlers and a baby while keeping a little one occupied with crayons and watching her oldest on stage. Could she even have enjoyed that? No. But yes, probably, because she’s such a better mother than I. Of that I am sure. Why am I mentioning her? Because while I didn’t whisper about her………while I didn’t think anything bad about her …….. while I sat there and though did stare with a crooked little smile on my face, I did nothing, and that was just as bad as staring and whispering. Do you know that I almost asked if I could do anything to help? Some comments were made next to me about those babies and something stopped me. I stopped. We’re suppose to help each other and I stopped. I reflected on it for a while and considered that maybe I was concerned about how these strangers who I didn’t even know, might have swayed my decision to help. Then I thought that was absolutely foolish, while I do care what other people think, I don’t care enough to allow that to happen. That’s absurd. After praying that night I was so mad with what I felt on my heart that the Lord was telling me …. I was prideful. My pride kept me from helping her. These women had bragged on my daughter to me and I let that go right to my head, to my heart, and that stopped me from helping this woman who needed it. I almost helped her, but almost didn’t matter. People will say, “well it’s the thought that counts”.  No. The thought means nothing without action. Oh hey, Jane Doe! I thought about praying for you last week before your surgery! ……. see what I mean? Could have interceded for someone but didn’t.  I didn’t help another mother, something so simple, because I had a prideful heart. For one moment in my life, the only time in my entire life, I thought I was better than somebody else. I’ve never felt so disgusted with myself. I’m sure none of you have ever felt better than anyone. You’re all way too good for that, you’re much better people than me. You don’t judge people based on how they sin differently than you. But that one night changed a lot of things for me. It has helped me to be more sympathetic, understanding, and helpful. That’s where God did some in me.

I won’t lie and say that I don’t enjoy hearing my kids are being well behaved because I do. What parent doesn’t like to hear that?  I’m not going to lose sleep if they aren’t being boarding-school disciplined either though. If that’s a thing? It sounds like it’s definitely a thing. Look all I’m saying is that our kids are human beings so they are sinners too. We’ve all blown it, we all have good days and bad days, we all sin, and our kids are no different. I think sometimes as moms we just compare so much and worry what others will think, because, well, everyone has an opinion about everything and everyone thinks they can do it better than us, so we need to learn to give ourselves some grace. Just because our children go around acting like fools sometimes isn’t an indication of our mothering abilities or how well we’re doing with motherhood (just ask my mom, she’s got all kinds of stories about me that are 50%…….maybe 72% *tops* true).

😇Those little angel babies though, you’re right, that does sound prettier for FB if we just brag on how amazing and perfect they are. All. The. Time.

😂😂😂
#comparisonkillsyourjoy #mamasholdeachotherup #ittakesatribe #theyareallalittlecrazy #theyareallalittlewonderful   

While I am comfortably past the phase where I stumbled around in that new mom sleep deprived stupor,

I took it all for granted: the trips to the playground, library and pool; the three square meals a day; a freezer and cabinets stocked with our favorite treats; new clothes every season, etc.

As a kid, I didn’t realize how much time, effort, and money went into every single childhood and adolescent memory. How much preparation went on behind the scenes of every vacation, birthday party and playdate. How many resources just went into raising me.

My own kids are too young to recognize everything it takes to parent them also. At 10 and 7, they have a limited ability to appreciate all that I do for them on a daily basis, even if we still want them to. As moms we give up so much for our kids. We lay down our plans, our comfort and quite often our desires for them. And we want it all to count for something, in very tangible ways.

Deep down we want that recognition from our children. We may not expect them to express their appreciation for all our hard work and sacrifices through words, but we do tend to use their actions as a gauge for how we feel about ourselves.

Setting Our Children Up As Idols

We think we’re failures if our child struggles with sin. So we try to cover it up.

We settle for outward behavior change, focusing on them following the rules, and rarely go beyond appearances to the real issues lying within their hearts. We guilt them when they don’t obey and say things like, “How many times have I told you?” or “How dare you yell at me?” We enroll them in all sorts of extracurricular activities and sports and academic programs so they can look good to others.

But if I’m seeking validation from my kids or the congratulations of other parents for my smart, well-behaved, tidy children, then mothering has stopped being a ministry- it has become an idol.

Because it’s not about me. It’s about what God is doing in their lives. And all those occurrences of misbehavior are opportunities for me to point their hearts towards Jesus, instead of inconveniences.

When we’re focused on how their behavior will reflect badly on us, we have made them responsible not just for our happiness, but our own identity. That is way too great a burden for them to bear.

You don’t need a “parenting win”. Your children’s accomplishments don’t equal your success. Their failures don’t equal your worth.

Your identity and worth come from Jesus alone.

When we take their behavior personally and get angry or feel defeated by it, we’re more concerned with how they’re affecting us, than with the condition of their heart towards God. We’re trying to sanctify ourselves with good works instead of fully relying on Christ for HIS work on the cross. 

Parenting with the right motivation

My oldest and I can argue until I want to pop her head off her shoulders! It’s a problem. Let me give you an example of a big struggle in our home. She can’t handle not having a cell phone. Why? BECAUSE! IT’S NOT FAIR! That’s why. That’s basically the end of the argument. I can probably talk on it a little more in detail though. Here’s the thing, she insists that everyone in the school except a few kids has a cell phone and she’s probably not wrong because most these grade school kids have nicer phones than me. My argument is that she doesn’t need one. She wants to be able to call/text her friends. I tell her she can call/text with my phone. This goes back and forth. I ask her what Ephesians 6:1 says and she’ll give me the verse and quiets down. For a minute. I’ve tried to explain to her that if she were going to be at home alone for any period of time or on the bus or after school activities that maybe her dad and I would consider getting her a phone but that’s not a reality right now. She is really hurting for it too. I want my children to be grateful rather than be entitled. Just because all her friends have one and think it’s some right of passage doesn’t make it so. At least not for this family.

Of course, I want my children to be grateful instead of entitled. That doesn’t mean I  dangle every little thing over their heads and demand that they appreciate all my hard work and sacrifices, however.

I shouldn’t act like a martyr in our home, feeling as though they somehow owe me. Motherhood is about serving, just like any other ministry.

I’m trying to teach her that serving others in this family is a ministry just like any other ministry the Lord would call us to. I know she’s tired, her dad and I are exhausted too. I know it’s not convenient for her to get up and down from bed constantly to grab us clean towels to clean puke when her sister is so sick, it’s not convenient for us to clean it either. I know she feels like nobody sees what she does for her sister, but we do ….. even if we don’t, He does. Sometimes it seems fruitless, it’s not.

Mothering has purpose and meaning, yes, but it doesn’t define who you are. You aren’t primarily a Christian mother; you are primarily an Ambassador for the Most High God. 2 Corinthians 5:20 says, “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.”

You are telling your children, in all your interactions with them, “come back to God!” Not “look at all I’ve done for you”, or “you’d better obey me or else”.

You are not their Savior. You are not even the change agent. You are Christ’s representative, a living example of His grace and authority.

The Gospel should inform your parenting on a daily basis. Instead of me thinking this behavior is an interruption in my orderly day, or how many times do I have to correct the same thing, my thinking shifts to ‘this is another chance to appeal to my children for God.’

Their disobedience and sin reveals to them that they need to change and ultimately turn to the One who’s able to change them. I can use their behavior to give them the insight into what’s going on inside their hearts, so they come to realize their desperate need for Christ.

I am testifying that I value what God values, and that I refuse to value what the world values.

This is how you seek first the Kingdom of God, and not your own agenda. When God is your object of worship, your children stop being responsible for your peace, joy and identity. And mothering is no longer idolatry, but a tool in His sovereign hand.

“Hear, my son, your father’s instruction,
    and forsake not your mother’s teaching,
⁹ for they are a graceful garland for your head
    and pendants for your neck.”

Proverbs 1:8-9