Today is Mother’s Day; a day to celebrate all moms.

The hurting, the healing, the celebrating, the loving. All the things go into today.

I always wanted to be a mom; I never expected the journey life would take me on to get there.

All of the feelings.

The “I can’t believe this is happening” to the “Why is this happening”. The journey to motherhood has been hard and rewarding to me. I reflect on that today. I could write a book on the feelings that I have regarding my journey. Some day I think I will.

Today I am celebrating my mom.

I’d reason to say that mom and I don’t always get each other and that she is considerably closer to my siblings than me. . . while we love each other, there are just so many things I’ve never felt led to tell her or felt close enough to connect with her about, but she’s been pretty understanding about a lot of things. The “when it mattered the most” things.

My first break up: she let me have my space and the time to heal

My fear for my first pregnancy, an unwed single mother, who wondered how I could do it alone: she encouraged me

The day I told her I was going to marry a man she’d never met: she listened with intrigue, but never denied me of my feelings

The week that my best friend died: she held me. She held a grown me, on her couch, as I laid across her lap with my head buried in her neck, and I wept. God, how I wept.

The divorce, when I told her it was my choice: she didn’t condemn, she chose to love me

The brain surgeries: she stepped into the gap and cared for my family for me

She’s always been there in my life. For the all tears and years.

A few weeks ago my mama was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. And my heart broke. It’s hard to see her hurt and to struggle to breathe. They told her they suspected it in the ER a few weeks ago and the following week her cardiologist confirmed. It’s hard to know that I can’t fix what is hurting her like she’s always done for me. For her Mother’s Day gift I chose to get her a couple weeks worth of food from Hello Fresh so she’d have an easy and healthy option to make at home. So tonight I celebrate her and who she is in my life. I honor her. I love her.

I love you, Mama!