All this nonsense the past week about the abortion business in NYC has been hurting my heart. The other night I stayed up for hours crying. I even wrote a huge blog and then decided it was not the time to publish it. Not now, maybe not ever. I don’t have the answer to that. Too many emotions from too many people. So instead I sat in silence and I cried.
I wept for every hurting mother who was fighting with stings of pain washing over her at the moment from unexpected grief from the loss of a child. Then today in my drive home I felt my car being pulled towards the cemetery. Quite literally, it was tugging the right of the road and as I looked up I smiled, and drove through the winding roads of the crowded, flower canvased plots. “Mommy’s here, Emmy!” I jumped out of my car and walked over to the spot where I stood that spring, the one where I wondered how my life would ever again have meaning, and I smiled.
It’s easier to smile, it wasn’t always like that.
I looked around at all the little treasures and wondered who brought them. Minnie Mouse and a barn owl caught my eye . . . Both her big sissy’s favorite things. Zoey loves barn owls, they are her favorite, ever. Anything barn owl, and little Posie, the lover of all the things Minnie Mouse.
A cold, cold winter wind took my breath away, it stung my face and the warmth of my tears began to flush out the pain. The sounds of car horns snapped me back to reality and I sat there, running my fingers along the smooth stone, with the Lord’s words engraved, cut so deeply they couldn’t be changed by the weather or winds here in Oklahoma.
I smiled and I talked to my sweet girl . . . and I talked to God. I’m so grateful for that little piece of earth that I can go to sit, place my hand, and remind my heart that it’s not over. That special little lot, when I can’t see her face or hold her hand, that I can still go and pray for her . . . I’m so thankful for a God who loved me so dearly He would see fit that I could be called her mommy. My sweet baby, the stealer of my heart, the heartbreak trail up to the little rocks where I read the words that she, yes, even she, had everyday of her life recorded in His book.
My God.
“You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book.Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” – Psalm 139:16 –
MY GOD! Yahweh! He’s so good!
Every single day I thought I would die because I couldn’t handle the pain, I couldn’t live without her, I couldn’t breathe until the next breath, I couldn’t face the night, I couldn’t look to tomorrow . . . He was there for me and even today, He is here with me. He’s right here with me, and truly I tell you: He loved me first.
Truly a child is precious is His sight; for Jesus loves the little children.
It’s so hard for me to imagine this incredible law being passed in New York, I can’t understand how any of us can choose such a thing, can we possibly decide whose life has more meaning than someone else’s? There are days I want to yell and cry that these things happen, so I stopped watching the news, but they keep happening – because it turns out I am not so powerful that the world will stop turning just because my heart is breaking.
But then today, as I drove home from the doctor and I sat there, with God, and my Emma . . . . such a flood of real emotions. I love the way He makes me feel. I realize He’s all I need and I need to just sit at His feet and listen to what He has to say and today when He spoke to my heart I felt overwhelmed. I need Him so bad, I need Him just as bad today as I’ve needed Him every other day, especially on “that” day. He spoke to my mama heart today.
While I want you to know that I’m 100% pro-life, I believe it’s time we stop being so incredibly insensitive to every woman who is making any heartbreak choice to the unspeakable. It’s hard to imagine that we wouldn’t speak up, I’m not saying we shouldn’t, I’m just pleading with you: love a little harder.
As I sit here I ask you to do something today . . .

First is to find someone you have never told how much you love them, and tell them. The three words they haven’t heard may just change the trajectory of your lives. If you’ve never uttered the words, “I love you”, to someone, then do it. Now is a good time.

Next be kind. It’s so easy to judge. It’s so easy to gossip. It’s so easy to be hateful and point fingers and let our emotions take over when we’re angry, when we’re fueled by hatred, when we should be loving.

There once was a heavy burden in my heart when I left and said, “Mommy will you see you soon, Em!” I was burdened because the truth was I didn’t know when I’d see her again, because it brought me so much pain to go to the cemetery, but I am fully sure now as time goes by that I will see her soon. Whether it’s to stop by when I get groceries (the luxury OR the trauma <depending on how you look at it> of the cemetery being directly across from my local Walmart and Walgreens. But I’m very sure, “I’ll see you soon”, is a promise to her because people Jesus IS coming and soon we’ll be going home. I have the reassurance, my reassurance in Christ, of where I am going when I take my last breath here but many people don’t have that. It’s easier for me to be kind to others and not hold too tightly to the things of this world because I understand . . . but so many people don’t have hope. I plead with you to be kind. I pray that your love for others will grow and you will be a light for Jesus. We truly don’t know what personal battles others are fighting; be kind. The mom at the stoplight in front of you lost her child last month in a horrific accident and she’s straining to see what color the light is through her blurry tears: be kind. The old man walking too slow in front of you at the store just lost his wife of 60 years and is confused about life now: be kind. The little baby screaming and acting like a “demon child” in the grocery store . . . the one you’re mocking the mother and her parenting skills for, he has sensory problems and autism and an ear infection that his mom doesn’t know about yet. He’s mute and scared and in pain: be kind. His mother is working full time, sleeps two hours a day (if she’s lucky), and cries herself to sleep every night because it’s hard and society is harder: be kind.
Lastly let’s just listen. Let’s just let these women tell us their stories. Let’s listen to them. Then let’s step up and do what we said we would. Let’s take care of them and their babies. Let’s provide the formula and diapers and healthcare and the community. Let’s get these mothers to the right agencies for adoption or family planning. It’s really easy to hide behind a screen and tell someone how terrible they are or tell them “wish we could help, but”. It’s time to step up, the time is now. Let’s listen. Listen to what the needs are. Listen to what the Lord is telling us to do for these women. Listen to the pain in the lives of other women. Could it be so simple as just simply loving, being kind, and listening to someone today, to make them feel loved, important, and heard. I can’t pretend to know every reason, but what I do know is these women are hurting and making some life changing decisions.
Also.
These are women. These are our sisters. These are our daughters. These are our mothers. These are our cousins. These are our nieces. These are our friends.
Don’t make them sit in darkness

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:3-4