Then yesterday, one of the questions:

Has there been a time when you felt punished by God?
How has that affected your relationship with Him?

I had every intention to answer this question first, with one of my own examples, because sometimes that helps….and it’s her first teen study (she is only eleven), but before I could say the words her eyes welled up with tears and she said, “Yes!” It was almost like a confession, like she needed to let someone know she felt that way.

I asked, “There’s a time when you’ve felt punished by God? Ok, how has that affected your relationship with Him?”

I wasn’t going to ask what that thing was. I didn’t need to know unless she felt pressed. I might bring it up later. Her voice began to shake and she explained how she had wanted a baby sister for so long, so she had prayed for one for so long, then Rosalie was born with the problems she was born with and sick so much – that she’s struggled with feeling like it was her fault; if she hadn’t prayed for her, she wouldn’t be here – suffering.

My child has been carrying this for so long.

Before addressing how it’s affected her relationship with Him, I had to address what I had just heard and my heart was burning. This was one of those few times in my life I didn’t feel like I had any words because I just wanted to cry. Yes, I told her there is power in prayer, so much power, but explained she doesn’t have that much power – that she could never make a good God change, He’s still good and isn’t going to punish her by allowing sister to be sick; there’s simply a reason for sisters struggles and we just don’t understand but have to trust God’s ways are higher than ours and that eventually, ultimately, this will all be used for His glory.

But as that huge knot formed in my throat I couldn’t help but wonder how I let it get to this? How or when I stopped asking questions or not the right ones. Then I realized maybe she’s just like me in some ways and internalizes a lot of things and would rather hurt in silence than dare anyone else be upset. I’m going to have to work on that with her and start talking to her more, so my plea for you parents is to keep the lines open. I think of how we’re about to start a new school year, how kids can be terrible to each other, and I think, “Wow, there’s simply so much we don’t know. When did we get so far removed from them?” Children are being bullied and suffering in silence, that shouldn’t be the only reason for you to want your child to be open with you going into this new school season, but it definitely should be on your mind. Relationships with our children in general, though. Wouldn’t you notice if they came to the kitchen table with a bloody hand? Would you make sure they got it cleansed and bandaged so it could heal properly? What about a broken heart? Would you notice if they came to the kitchen table with a broken heart? Would you make sure they were prayed over and hugged and spoken kindly to and understood/had understanding so that the broken heart could heal properly? Would you know if your child was hurting?

I didn’t. 💔

“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace”

Numbers 6:24-26