I was speaking to a friend earlier about some trying stuff I’m going through right now and it got us talking about God’s provision.

You see, right now, I’m waiting. Just waiting. I’ve been sent into a whirlwind the past week regarding some medical/insurance stuff with my daughter and I’m waiting. I’m waiting to hear back from the insurance company. I’m waiting to hear back from the hospital. Mostly, I’m just waiting to watch God move my mountains. It’s days like this that I’m so glad that I don’t have to wait to hear from Him, because truly it’s so easy to “not feel Him near”, if that’s even a thing, when we go through hard times, or when we don’t feel like He hears us.

I’m glad I can go to Scripture and see what God says. I can see His promises, and they still hold true today.

“Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.” Hebrews 13:8

My little one and I are suppose to leave in 48 hours to head out of state for a month long hospital stay but the insurance is denying her admission. We’re appealing but there’s no time, it’s a specialty hospital and such a long wait list to get in (we were on the wait list for six months just to do the evaluation). She needs to go. I firmly believe the enemy is trying to steal this opportunity from my daughter.

Last month when we had my daughters eval at this hospital everything was against us. Right before it was time to leave we had coe into insurmountable debt in a months time, I had a lupus flare, my car broke down and a dozen other little things. There was no way we were going to be able to go.

But God.

Seeing God’s provision in hindsight took my breath away. Don’t let me fool you, it was hard. During the trial, during those challenges to get everything taken care, I prayed a lot of prayers for many different things; for His provision. I expected Him to provide because I know that He will always care for me and provide for me. I’ll say that I’ve learned over the years that God’s provision for us is often different than what we’d have in our own minds. Sometimes we just don’t see it in the very moment and it’s really not what we’d expected or hoped for . . . it’s so much more.

What I would have seen fit would have been something different, but it would have been wrong. Because He provided perfectly.

I asked for provision for a place to stay, that we’d be able to stay at the Ronald McDonald House while we were there the night before, so we wouldn’t have to drive for hours just to make her wait in a clinic room for several hours. We didn’t get that. Rather someone blessed us with a hotel room where we could stay the night before. Which is better than I had in mind.

I wondered what bills we’d have to pay later and while I prayed for the provision in the way of the monthly bills (utilities, etc) to be smaller, God provided monetarily for our fuel/food costs to go to Texas.

I asked the Lord to prompt the doctors to give me steroids to heal my body from the lupus flare that began to come as I was stressed from car breaking down and stresses before our trip (I know steroids aren’t great and I’ve been on them a lot the past year but I know they help me quickest) but He blessed with ample opportunity to rest, even in the midst of the crazy, so that my body could rest and work on healing. I was actually prompted to sit down and read His Word and I found more rest than I could have received in that, than just resting on the sofa.

There are 100 other things that fell into place perfectly to and from, and while we were there. Accidents that were avoided while driving, kind strangers with encouraging words, perfect timing, close parking spots, lots of green lights, and I managed to remember EVERYTHING. Can you believe that? I packed EVERYTHING that we needed. I always seem to forget something, but not this time. The kindest hospital staff, puke bags in the car for the baby when she needed them, an incredibly short wait time at the hospital, ease finding the place, no traffic waits even during rush hour. Just everything.

My heart could burst just thinking back to His provision. Again, it wasn’t what I’d have thought in my head, it was soooo much better!!!

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33

The truth is, as I sit here and wait, I can’t stand it. I don’t like waiting.

Not. At. All.

But I know that we’re not on my timetable, either.

I’m also painfully aware that just because I want something, and because I believe something, doesn’t mean that I’ll get it. I pray for healing for my child but that doesn’t mean she’s going to be healed in this life, but there will be a day when she’s perfect; when both my daughters receive complete healing from everything that’s ever afflicted them. I am convinced that my daughter needs to go this hospital, as is her healthcare team, and I’m believing for it . . . I have an incredible peace that we’re going to be a state away next week, checking in, but that doesn’t mean we will be. My heart is aching under the realizations that I have no control over what happens right now, except I know I can pray. So I have. I did all I knew to do, called, texted, online chatted, drove back and forth . . . did all this with nurses, doctors, coordinators, insurance companies, hospitals and more. Now I pray. And continue to pray. Pray. Wait. Trust.

He hasn’t let me down yet, and He never will. Even if I don’t get the answers that I’m wanting to.

When He moves this mountain and we head to the hospital I’m going to praise Him.

(. . . but if not, He’s still good!)